render me immortal.

I am such a nerd.
A romantic one too. (lol)
a few minutes ago, I was browsing through my old literature book, the one that consists an adequate collection of poems, and I saw this one piece that caught my eye:

One day I wrote her name upon the strand,

But came the waves and washed it away:

Again I wrote it with a second hand,

But came the tide, and made my pains his prey.

Vain man, said she, that doest in vain assay

A mortal thing so to immortalize,

For I myself shall like to this decay,

And eek my name be wiped out likewise.

Not so (quoth I), let baser things devise

To die in dust, but you shall live by fame:

My verse your virtues rare shall eternize,

And in the heavens write your glorious name.

Where whenas Death shall all the world subdue,

Out love shall live, and later life renew.

(Sonnet 75, by Edmund Spenser)

YESSIR, ONE OF A KIND.

sweet choreography! house forever!

16082012

The fault is not in our stars,

Nor in the deceit so suave.

To who else do we blame for the scars

Embedded deep in our hearts,

When man is scarce,

If not us?

Just something I wrote to zap the infamous monster we all have eventually become acquainted to--Boredom.

Offense.

My head is aching, my stomach is growling. Is there anything right in this world??

I lead a life of insecurities. Im a paranoid. And sometimes I wish I could just read people's minds.

I am absolutely, ultimately, suffocated by these walls of worry enclosing in on me. I am inclined to be truthful in the most inappropriate scenarios and time, and I tend to apologize so many times to the point of being annoying. Even so, I am so so so sorry. So so very sorry. The amount of guilt I feel, if I were to build a building with these bricks of worry and apology, it could exceed the height of the tallest point in this world. And at the summit of it, I'd stand there with a waving flag, with the words 'I AM SO SORRY' written on it.

I have truly the most impressive history with being too candor, too bold. Too effing moronic with the given ability to be honest.

Pride.

Something caught my attention today, they are lines from the book Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

'It may perhaps be pleasant to be able to impose on the public in such a case; but it is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection with the same skill from the object of it, she may lose the opportunity of fixing him.'

'We can all begin freely--a slight preference is natural enough, but there are very few of us who have the heart enough to be really in love without encouragement.'

Is it true? I don't buy it, actually. I had been one of the boldest girls that day, and nothing good came from it. I was the losing party. Still am.
The lines somehow reminded me how foolishly truthful I was with my words from the heart and mind. There was no encouragement at all on my part. But I jumped into the abyss anyway.

This is a very random post. Avert your eyes should you not like one.

Just finished browsing through Adriana's blog and realized that she had showed off the fact that TayS's new album is coming out on the same day as her birthday.

Well, I've got an interesting (or not so interesting) fact vis-à-vis my birthday date (see my url)

433 years before I was born,

this out-of-the-world intelligent and brilliant man was.

That, for those who do not recognize him, is Galileo Galilei

=D

give your heart a break.

everyone has their dark moments, the horrific past that they try to bury. But in life, I've come to believe that there's no such thing as secrets. Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. And a secret, no matter how discreet you wanna be about your secret, you tend to tell it to someone else. or something else. And one day they will claw their way to you. That's when it hurts the most.

Throughout my high school life, I've had ups and downs. Mostly downs though. People tend to disappoint me and in return, I'm such a *pardon the language* dickhead that I never try to forget nor forgive. I do not hold grudges against them who've hurt me because I know I'm not entirely faultless. But I guess the pain never leaves, therefore, I'm almost always unhappy. I tend to recall too many bad memories during my spare time. I get stuck in the past.

During those years, I've hurt and have been hurt by several important people in my life. To the person I'd hurt all through the whole secondary 2 year and made miserable for almost the whole year when we were in Sec3, I'm sorry but also at the same time grateful because you've showed me what it is like to be appreciated and cared for unconditionally. You were there for me since primary school and I'd always taken you for granted, never realizing what tragic effect you'd leave once you walk out on me. You were a really good friend. I wish the awkwardness between us would just vanish because I would love to call you (again) my best friend.

For the person that made my Secondary 3 life awesome and who made weekdays something to look forward to, you are.. awesome. hahaha. i can't think of any other word right now. awesome awesome awesome. *won't elaborate because I dont wanna be misunderstood*. And yes, you made my tenth grade horrible and heartbreaking but still you contributed a lot in making my days better.

well, for those who are reading this, if you've got a clue regarding who the aforementioned people are, keep it to yourselves alright? There's nothing I hate more than a virtual war. *learnt that a war online is a lot more deadly than a real life takedown through the hard way*

Red.

it's my second post today and i just can't not write about this.

Taylor Swift's releasing her fourth record this October 22nd! I simply love her and her music so much that I can't help but be super enthusiastic! *squeals*

listen to her new single:

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

spilling words.

 After studying Civics and English, I had NOTHING else to do. I killed boredom with dancing like a freak in my room with the music playing SUPER LOUD. But then cramp happened, and I reluctantly went seeking for another less harmful activity.

Then my eyes fell on my bookshelf. Then on the dust covering the whole thing like a cloak.

So, without much ado, I cleaned it. And I think I might be developing a phobia for dust.

Succeeding my 'expelling-dust-of-the-utmost-unthinkable-width-ever' session, I decided to take some pictures (because, obviously, I had nothing else better to do) of some of my favorite books :)

p.s. I'm not a good photographer.

p.p.s. I took em with iPad so... might be blurry....

There, at the topmost is 'The Hunger Games Tribute Guide' which I just bought recently. I love flipping it to Peeta's page just to admire Josh Hutcherson's undeniably cute face. ;)

The Hunger Games trilogy is just so effing good that I cannot stop rereading them!

I love Cassandra Clare, she's to be blamed for my addiction towards fantasy-themed novels.

Although.. although, I'm not sure I'm a big fan of those series that never could seem to end. Like Gossip Girl. 

So please, end the The Mortal Instruments already!

These are the books of which I'm waiting for their third one. 

Clockwork Angel, Clockwork Prince, Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare

Divergent, Insurgent, <still untitled> by Veronica Roth

Matched, Crossed, Reached by Allie Condie

The Fault In Our Stars. is. the. best. book. ever. what. a. masterpiece. by. genius. John. Green.

Oh my God, I cannot stop rereading it. It's so unique, one of a kind, I think. Yes, it does revolve around love. And yes, romance-themed-books are typical (like someone previously said to me before). But this is just a whole new thing. It's not like those lovey-dovey books that are sugarcoated with lies (perfect guys do not exist, people). It's actually a book that pulls you in six feet deep--trust me, you cannot be NOT engrossed in this book as you're reading it--but at the same time, it slaps you with the fact that life is marred all over with blemish. The guy isn't perfect. The girl is soooooo far from perfect. They're not.. whole (read the book to know what I mean) but they are perfect and whole together. And this, flawless compatibility between two flawed people do indeed exist. 

The book in the middle is entitled Crooked House and is written by Agatha Christie.

This is the first not-of-the-children-genre novel I've ever read (my dad bought it for me while I was, what.. in primary 4?). It took me months to finish it because I was a tiny little person of zero knowledge of the English Language. Hell, I wouldn't even understand what it's all about if I hadn't reread it back when I was in primary 5. (my English actually improved dramatically through the year, thanks to High School Musical)

Agatha Christie is also a genius in my eyes. Sometimes I wonder how on earth she gained this intense knowledge regarding homicide. 

ooh! Geronimo Stilton! I love those books! Loved them, love them, will always love them! Now this is the official first novel I've ever read, back when I was in P4! I loved them because they were the only novels I understood. I love them still because of the interesting illustrations inside. <3 Not even the Wimpy Kid series could waver my steadfast adoration for the Geronimo Stilton books!

and finally,

this is the book that I could never ever get through chapter 3. or 4. or 5. Heck, who cares. The point is I could never finish it. *sigh*

Although recently, something sparked my curiosity for these classic babies. Perhaps after the exams are over, I could cluster my courage and face my fear for the primitive manner of speech.

footloose.

ms. marisa! Miss her so 

the crew.

curtain call <3

I miss dancing with my SIS friends. *sigh*

I feel like this is an inappropriate thing to be frustrated about, with the exams still going on, but I just miss those moments! I miss going to Nadya's house for practices. I miss her dogs. I miss deciding as a group what songs we should use. What moves to copy (lol, but on our defense, sometimes we did make our own choreography). I miss the joy that could only be achieved through performing with only and only them.

It's too bad we don't and can't have the chance to do one more number. I'd love to use the song Footloose. ): ):

and then i miss the rest of them:

kissing nadya *smooch*

Vanessa & Nadya

eric, autographing.

Shella & Vanessa

(the short one and the tall one!)

bule's autograph!

my last day ):

 not to forget, our legendary trip to Samosir Island!

Sec 3 Sincerity

I find this all-time hilarious. Don't you?

this is what i call 'preparing for the perfect jump shot'.

morning exercise lead by mr. head prefect.

the girls :)

I look the tallest! *deception*

where is selvi? :s

the four of us.

selvi was probably taking the picture. we are the more narcissistic ones after all  

when selvi and nadya leave for SG, vanessa will be the only one left! ):

i can't believe it's already time for them to study abroad. We used to find this moment so far away.

Time elapses so quickly. 

*tearing up*

kidding. why the hell would I cry? there's this thing called skype! :D:D

perplexed.

This is my second post for today. The reason why I'm even writing this is because, I couldn't sleep, regardless of how many times I shifted in my bed, trying to obliterate all thoughts. Which is exactly the problem. How do you not think of anything when all you think of is to not think of anything?
Does that even make sense? :s

I'm very sleepy but yet I can't shut my mind up. talk about #thingsthatannoymemost.

All this for one tiny glitch on this almost-perfect-day.

How do I put this subtly?

Well, for starters, i don't like waiting. I don't like being anxious (who does?). I don't like feeling like.... like THIS. I don't even know what THIS is. I don't like not knowing what I feel. I don't like scratching at an itch that I can't see. It hurts all over!

It's like finding needle in a haystack. Then dropping it accidentally. It's like finding yourself flying up to the ninth cloud. Then smack the ground headfirst because you misplaced your feet. It's like running and leading a marathon, and once you're two feet away from the finish line, your shoelaces come off and you step on it and double over and fall on all fours.

Cameron Mitchell full stop.

the person who ALWAYS succeeds to lighten my darkest days with that oh-my-god-sexy-voice of his.

we long for the stars.

Sometimes having two hands is not enough--we wish we could have three to finish all the tasks at hand easily. Sometimes having a diamond ring could not satiate you, because you hope for a diamond mountain. Sometimes the splendid things earth offers you could not quench your desire, you had to go treasure seeking through precarious bridges and across sand that YOU know will sift underneath your feet and expose you to the dangers looming underneath. 

Sometimes your feeble hands long to brush the stars. But you know that when you do succeed to finally stroke them, you won't be able to let go.

Some call it greed. Some call it curiosity. I call it another Thursday. I'm a realist (trust me, it took me a great deal to finally become that) and I've gained that title through the hard way. I used to be the girl who dreams of prince charmings and white horses and glass slippers all the time (of course, you do know that I don't mean them literally). I once saw the cracks and bumps along the path as nothing more than an annoying rash that I would somehow find cure for. But then people change and grow and I finally realize that I've been the fool in life's big roulette. 

Nevertheless, although I've embraced the belief that life is a cruel bitch, I am still a steadfast romantic and optimist who daydreams and doodles fiction plots with happy endings on my notebook. I have even provided myself a special book for that (hehehhe XD) 

So my question is how do you live with the fact that you adore something which is too blindingly bright and far, that deep down, your lukewarm conscious incessantly warns you it is bad for your health?

*hmm, that is one long gibberish :P*

not a man of many words.

Truthfully speaking, this has been my 'n-th' attempt at blogging and I have a feeling that this might (yet.. again) fail. I am not a person of many words, which is pretty ironic because I simply adore writing fiction works--though I haven't written or thought of or even have the initiative to pick up my pen to do so. I don't know how to put the ordinary things in my life in black and white. I seriously don't. I am a human being of too many romantic bones so, that being said, I have a LOT (and I mean a lot) of stuff to say about that. But then again, I have to remind myself regularly that this is for the public's eyes (assuming this little piece of blog exists in the eyes of others).

Okay.. I guess that's all I've got in mind right now. Imma try to indulge myself in textbooks and homework. Gee, they can be REALLY delightful. -___-